FIVE SHADES OF WEAK [AKA PODLESS COFFEE]
Until today, I guess I sorta kinda believed in using my mind to alter a feeling, at least to an extent. I remember complaining to a friend that I was freezing while walking to her house. She told me that it was all in my head and that if I thought it was really cold it would be really cold but if I thought it is actually warmer I would begin to feel warmer. At the time I thought she was berserk. My 12-year-old brain had not quite learned that concept. Now I am not so sure. I have talked myself down from shivering cold to just plain cold. I have talked myself down from something tasting awful to tasting palatable. I have even convinced myself I can do things I never thought I could. Have I developed magical powers? Have I evolved into a higher thinking being? Or is it indeed all in my mind?
What is all of this drivel about you may ask? This morning I woke up a tad groggy, made my coffee in my Keurig and sat down to read over my emails with my piping hot cuppa joe. Well, I think I was about half of a cup in when I thought, hmmm, this tastes a bit weak, maybe I used a leftover pod from the day before… ew, gross! I took another sip and as I did, I looked down into the cup. Clear liquid! Hot water.
For ten minutes I was sipping hot water thinking I was drinking coffee, albeit weak coffee.
Wow, I thought, why spend the money when you can just imagine you have a hardy cup of coffee? Or to take it further, rather than buying lobster, how about codfish dipped in butter; I can use my newly evolved powers to convince myself I am eating delicious, fresh Maine lobster! What else can I do? Today, perhaps my car will be a Porsche, it will not be 110 degrees, it will be a perfect 85 degrees, my husband will be… He will be himself, shame on you! I know you were thinking of some hot celebrity .
I am excited about this new found superpower, now I just need a name for myself, Einstein is taken, Super Woman, gone. I am open to ideas.
If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee. Abraham Lincoln
or more appropriately:
I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake. Lewis Black